Dont be....

the deafening reminder of seeking monogamy and the family I craved between the idea of that would ever happen to me 

On some level my devastation was comforting because it was definite. Limbo was over, and I finally had a grasp on reality. The waiting, wondering and trying to be strong for both of us had come to end. And I was slowly realizing what I had given up for him: the chance for something better.

While he helped bring out a bit my adventurous, silly side, he also suppressed the safe, play-by-the-rules side that thrived on tradition and family. And eventually, he robbed me of my deepest desires.

"You deserve a man who could never let you go," 

And that's when it finally clicked. To be truly happy, "my" guy would have to honor both sides of me: the free spirit and the nurturer. Living with my parents I saw how a real partnership works, how both people in relationships sacrifice for the good of the team, but how neither sacrifices the other. That was missing in the most modern gay relationship.

For the first time in my life, I knew exactly who I was and what I would and wouldn't compromise for love. And I knew that, when God denies your prayers, he often has better plans.

if is meant to be will eventually come back to where it belonged ...